I'll just dive right in and give you the reason I want a crazy loopy ride named after me.

It's because I've been on quite a crazy roller coaster-esque health journey for the past few years and it's been simultaneously exciting and terrifying, which means that making sure I notice all the lessons and the good things that have out of it has been an essential part of the journey (and has been the reason I haven't sunk into deep despair and frustration)!

Just three years ago I was in complete denial that I was in the midst of an eating disorder (anorexia), weighing around 80 lbs (at 5"6", this is NOT even close to a healthy weight) and then this past fall and winter I found myself much heavier, quite puffy and inflammed with burnt out adrenals,  severely imbalanced hormones, a non-functioning metabolism and most likely severe insulin resistance.   

 

How did this happen to someone who works in an alternative health profession, practices yoga, meditation (well, sometimes!), eats organic food, is active and has a great network of friends and family?

Lots of reasons, and some of them may sound quite familiar to others.  

For me, these imbalances stemmed from burying some things emotionally and using food (or lack of it)  and crazy amounts of exercise as a way of escape and control, but it also tied into becoming a 100% raw food vegan.

I think this way of eating is beneficial for healing certain illnesses and states of dis-ease but as a long term eating plan, I honestly can't believe I thought I would stay that way forever.  Along with severe caloric restriction and massive amounts of exercise, I am a Vata (in the Ayurvedic tradition) and raw vegetables don't really do very well for my digestion. I began to eat less and less vegetables, then cut out nuts and seeds and then cut out avocados, so I basically became a fruitarian which meant I ate tons of fruit and that's about it.  I also ate  raw chocolate and honey, which only added to the severe and constant insulin spike and rush of glucose, putting strain on my organs and keeping me in a constant and wasting-away sugar high.  I still felt bloated and sick a lot of the time.  I lost all my body fat and therefore stopped getting my period.  For over five years I never had one period and the signs of ovulation were not usually there either.  

My hormones became seriously out of balance.  

I was isolated from everyone else because how do you eat meals with the girl who only eats fruit and not very much of it?  

I was deficient in most nutrients but didn't take supplements either, stubbornly thinking if I was eating a raw food diet, I should be getting all my nutrients, but the real truth was that I wasn't eating a large spectrum of raw foods, so how was that possible?  And if I did eat vegetables and leafy greens, they didn't really digest  in my body, especially without those healthy fats I was avoiding. Not to mention that I was eating as far from seasonally as possible since most things were being shipped from tropical places, even though I was living in California for a time then, mangos and coconuts were not being grown locally.  

 

Something snapped when I returned back east and suddenly I wanted that connection with people again.  My bloating and stomach issues weren't going away no matter how much fruit I ate and I got tired of people telling me I looked like a skeleton.  I was having dinner with my family one night and suddenly wanted more than anything to have some of the roasted vegetables from the garden that were being served.  

So I did and they were amazing.  

I slowly began to incorporate first cooked vegetables, then eggs and then some raw dairy.  I started to allow much more food freedom and over the next year and a half bread, beer and sugar had all found their way back into my diet, along with tons of grains like millet, popcorn and puffed rice.  

I began to quickly put on weight because my metabolism and insulin levels were so haywire that they thought they had to hold onto everything in order to prepare for the next "famine" that my body was inevitably going to experience (based on the very recent past).  

I did the 21 day Clean Program and felt better.  I moved to NYC and was doing intense yoga everyday, walking everywhere and then experience some emotional ups and downs that pushed me into a state of constant stress.

Then that summer, after a broken heart and some constant moving around (Nomadic lifestyles do not work well for Vatas but I have been having one for the past eleven years!),  I went to Paris for 10 days and ate amazing, local, rich but definitely not "clean" food.  Although I felt great there, walking all around one of my favourite cities, when I got back I felt terrible.  

Was it "guilt" about the food I had eaten?  Was it lingering emotional stuff?  Was it not doing yoga as diligently?  

Whatever the reason or reasons combined, I began to feel more and more stress and a series of even more stressful events took place over the next few months, I moved several times and I did another cleanse (this time an all liquid one) which had I known my adrenals were already compromised, I absolutely would not have done, and in short: I reached rock bottom over the winter.  I had my adrenals and hormones tested and they both came back completely shot and out of balance.  

So I asked for help and did only nourishing and nurturing things for my body and mind while receiving guidance from alternative health care practitioners who encourage me to tune in and truly listen to what my body was asking for and needing.

I learned that being vulnerable is not a bad thing.  I spent half of each day outside in the snowy world with my puppy, letting go of stress and worry and taking time for me, not constantly being ON all the time, especially working at a computer nonstop.  

I gave myself permission to eat foods that felt good to my body, nourished me and connected me to others and over time, I realized what worked and what didn't.  

I didn't worry about physical cleansing since I had a very clean system already and ate such high quality food, instead I thought about cleansing emotionally and when I suddenly felt like I had to have several spoonfuls of almond butter, I looked instead to what I was really craving and it usually wasn't the almond butter.  

It was a sense of relaxation or calmness, feeling satiated and nurtured and grounded.  

So I began to embrace the foods that were available seasonally and I left veganism for good, researching and reading Primal and Paleo plans and feeling how much that resonated in my body.